We need to talk about Lia

I’m a technology jackass. ESPECIALLY, a twitter jackass. But I’m totally okay with it because one tweet leads me to another tweet, and another one, until I land on stuff like this:


I had the idea for this two years ago, so I feel totally validated as an entrepreneurial genius. My idea was only slightly different in that it had a broader reach, and it was more expensive (of course). It went like this:

  • Set up site that features photos and profiles of 20 hot girls that aren’t me
  • Attach girls’ (my) wish list of Prada purses, Cartier watches, and Lake Como houses to profiles
  • Rejoice when horny rich guys purchase items for girl(s) and money appears in my off-shore account including a 10% “I just made all your dreams come true” fee
  • Send photos of naked girl(s) that aren’t me enjoying said wish list item(s) to horny rich guy for his viewing pleasure
  • Seven minutes after photo shoot, all wish list items belong to me, girl becomes porn star, I replace her with new girl

Genius, right?

Thanks, Amazon.  You giant porn retail pimp dream thief.

Actually, I lost steam when it became clear this business model was already being maximized by all the sugar daddy websites.

Sugar daddies suck. But only because I wish I could abandon my pride and vaginal integrity for retail satisfaction. I love the way a new Maserati smells.

But, with sugar daddy potential in mind, I’d like to give our friend Lia here a tiny piece of grandmotherly advice: Sweetie, you’re worth more than a set of nail stickers for $1.12, which appears to be the first item on your list.

Here’s a tiny piece of Molly advice:  you had ONE sentence to write…

“Be sure ti give me your email when you buy me something so i can send you a surprise.”

If you’re the type of person who fails to notice when you write “ti” instead of “to,” or forgets to capitalize “I,” there’s someone I’d like you to meet.  Captain Spellcheck, the gentleman superhero of spelling, grammar and punctuation. He will lay his cape across your messy word puddle when you fuck it entirely.  All you need do is ask.

Thus, of all the dudes you long to use, I recommend you start with him.

But SEE?  I TOLD you typos get you noticed.


  1. I can’t decide if I want a Sugar Daddy to spoil me, or a Boy Toy who cooks and cleans. Eh, there’s always more cats.

  2. Hello Ms. Topia, just wanted to let you know that I did a post today letting my readers know awesome blogs that they should follow. Just thought you should know that you might get some very bitter people reading your blog today.

  3. Freshly Pressed did good!

  4. Did you get freshly pressed? Congrats!

  5. Dianne Ramsey says:

    Do girls really do that? Does it work? Where do I sign up? Does it matter if you’re over 70?

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