Leopard Piss and Chivalry.

My dad and I were hurrying past the leopard cages on our way back to the bandstand when one of those giant cats unleashed a fountain of steamy urine right at my head. He shoved me out of the way and snapped his tuxedo jacket over his head in one quicksilver movement. The stream hit him right in the back as I trotted in front of him untouched. Three seconds later, while still shoving me along, he calmly looked back over his shoulder at the leopard and offered his notorious and disdainful, “god damn.”

When we arrived at his drum kit, he tossed his jacket on the floor, and sat down with perfect posture, sticks up. I ran off to the side, and he mouthed, “I love you love you love you,” and blew me a kiss like always.

The ringmaster blew the whistle, and my dad played the last 90 minutes of the circus drenched in leopard piss.

The show must go on.

Leopard Cubs (ajaytao2010.wordpress.com)

39 responses to “Leopard Piss and Chivalry.”

donofalltrades

Jul 1, 2013 at 9:27 pm

Um so, your dad is pretty fucking cool. I’d like to have gotten drunk with him once and talked about leopards and crackheads or something.

Reply
1. mollytopia
  
  Jul 1, 2013 at 11:20 pm
  
  Well he would have had a story or 900 to tell. From the previous week. He was Heineken, and a Budweiser drinker. And a PBR drinker when he was visiting his parents. Never could tell with that guy. Not sure how he would have felt about your crazy ass lime beer, but I’m sure you two would have gotten a laugh out of it if nothing else. Thanks for reading Don – always makes me happy to see your name pop up : )
  
  Reply
iamtomnardone

Jul 1, 2013 at 9:31 pm

That is one greatest kick ass over the top dad hero stories ever told. You should be honored to have it be yours. I am honored just to comment on it. Thank you for sharing molly.

Reply
1. mollytopia
  
  Jul 1, 2013 at 11:17 pm
  
  I am totally honored, and totally honored that you commented. Thanks, Tom. You’re awesome. Congratulations again on your award!
  
  Reply
PinotNinja

Jul 1, 2013 at 10:30 pm

I love that story so much I don’t know what to do with myself.

Reply
1. mollytopia
  
  Jul 1, 2013 at 11:16 pm
  
  Hey thanks so much! I’m so psyched that you commented, I don’t know what to do with MYself. Well played : )
  
  Reply
bensbitterblog

Jul 1, 2013 at 10:56 pm

That should have been you father’s day tribute. That is an awesome dad.

Reply
1. mollytopia
  
  Jul 1, 2013 at 11:16 pm
  
  Good point – I blew it! Now I’ll be bitter about it. Making you proud : )
  
  Reply
  1. bensbitterblog
    
    Jul 1, 2013 at 11:44 pm
    
    Not only that but he is going to be pissed…Oh my gosh I went there.
  2. mollytopia
    
    Jul 1, 2013 at 11:45 pm
    
    You ain’t right, but I love it : )
Karen

Jul 2, 2013 at 12:00 am

I love this story. My daughter’s dad worked for Barnum and Bailey after we broke up. He also has lots of great stories to tell.

Reply
1. mollytopia
  
  Jul 2, 2013 at 12:02 am
  
  More please! Red or blue unit? What did he do? I’m sure it’s long after my days running around backstage, but I always love a circus tale : )
  
  Reply
  1. Karen
    
    Jul 2, 2013 at 4:08 pm
    
    He was in the red unit. His job was considered part of props maintenance. He spent a lot of time with an elephant. He had a major heroin addiction, so some of the stories aren’t very happy. He’s clean and sober now, and he’s a decent writer. I keep telling him to write that shit down
  2. mollytopia
    
    Jul 2, 2013 at 4:59 pm
    
    Circus people love heroin apparently. My dad included. He was on the red unit, then the blue, back to red, then the gold unit in Japan. Yes, those stories are definitely worth telling.
peacelovegreatcountrymusic

Jul 2, 2013 at 12:36 am

This has to be the best post ever. Genius. Love it and your fantastic writing.

Reply
1. mollytopia
  
  Jul 2, 2013 at 12:37 am
  
  Hey thanks so much – I really appreciate that!!!
  
  Reply
Amy Smith-Hassebrock

Jul 2, 2013 at 12:57 am

Love it! Read your whole blog a couple weekends back (i laughed, i cried…not necessarily in that order) keep up the good work.

Reply
1. mollytopia
  
  Jul 2, 2013 at 12:59 am
  
  Hey thanks Amy – that makes my heart so happy! Hooray!
  
  Reply
Alex H

Jul 2, 2013 at 6:25 am

Awesome……..Just Awesome Share.I love it.Looking forward for more.Alex,Thanks.

Reply
1. mollytopia
  
  Jul 3, 2013 at 12:53 pm
  
  Thanks a million!
  
  Reply
aliciabenton

Jul 2, 2013 at 8:56 am

So funny!! My favorite is the “I love you love you love you”! I’d pretty much say you had him wrapped around that little finger of yours!!

Reply
1. mollytopia
  
  Jul 2, 2013 at 11:33 am
  
  I was his only child – that’s what little girls do : ). Thanks Alicia! XO
  
  Reply
speaker7

Jul 2, 2013 at 10:26 am

That is way better than the guys who throw their jackets over mud puddles. Way better.

Reply
1. mollytopia
  
  Jul 2, 2013 at 11:31 am
  
  I totally agree – thank you! And I love the new how-to blog – it’s fantastic!
  
  Reply
onechicklette

Jul 2, 2013 at 10:00 pm

You’re going to put this in the book. Right??

Reply
1. mollytopia
  
  Jul 2, 2013 at 10:20 pm
  
  Totally.
  
  You so cray.
  
  Love you!
  
  Reply
  1. onechicklette
    
    Jul 2, 2013 at 10:27 pm
    
    xo
    
    You know books are part of my job. I think?
  2. mollytopia
    
    Jul 2, 2013 at 10:33 pm
    
    Um, no. I thought you were an independently wealthy travel writer. Now I’m embarrassed to ask what you do with books, but my curiosity is larger than my shame, question mark? Please break it down.
  3. onechicklette
    
    Jul 2, 2013 at 10:35 pm
    
    Will email.
  4. mollytopia
    
    Jul 2, 2013 at 10:40 pm
    
    Okay I just clicked on your name and unfollowed you by mistake bc I’m WordPress remedial, and then followed you again. Please don’t misconstrue. XO
  5. onechicklette
    
    Jul 2, 2013 at 10:42 pm
    
    WOUNDED!
    
    j/k
  6. onechicklette
    
    Jul 2, 2013 at 10:42 pm
    
    PS it didn’t notify me so you just confessed unnecessarily
  7. mollytopia
    
    Jul 2, 2013 at 10:51 pm
    
    See??? I told you in spotlight I’m earnest!!!!
  8. onechicklette
    
    Jul 2, 2013 at 10:52 pm
    
    You didn’t lie (not then at least)
  9. mollytopia
    
    Jul 2, 2013 at 10:54 pm
    
    Oh I want to stab myself. I thought for sure you would be notified: mollytopia just followed you, and you’d be like oh really? Awesome. She’s an asshole. Except for that I’m not!
  10. onechicklette
    
    Jul 2, 2013 at 10:58 pm
    
    Now you’re like un-un-asshole
  11. mollytopia
    
    Jul 2, 2013 at 10:59 pm
    
    Fuck it. I’ll take it.
Fat Bottom Girl

Jul 3, 2013 at 9:02 am

Dad to the rescue!!! 🙂

Reply
1. mollytopia
  
  Jul 3, 2013 at 12:34 pm
  
  Always! Thanks for reading : )
  
  Reply