Leopard Piss and Chivalry.

dad at drums

My dad and I were hurrying past the leopard cages on our way back to the bandstand when one of those giant cats unleashed a fountain of steamy urine right at my head.  He shoved me out of the way and snapped his tuxedo jacket over his head in one quicksilver movement.  The stream hit him right in the back as I trotted in front of him untouched.  Three seconds later, while still shoving me along, he calmly looked back over his shoulder at the leopard and offered his notorious and disdainful,  “god damn.”

When we arrived at his drum kit, he tossed his jacket on the floor, and sat down with perfect posture, sticks up.  I ran off to the side, and he mouthed, “I love you love you love you,” and blew me a kiss like always.

The ringmaster blew the whistle, and my dad played the last 90 minutes of the circus drenched in leopard piss.

The show must go on.


  1. Um so, your dad is pretty fucking cool. I’d like to have gotten drunk with him once and talked about leopards and crackheads or something.

    • Well he would have had a story or 900 to tell. From the previous week. He was Heineken, and a Budweiser drinker. And a PBR drinker when he was visiting his parents. Never could tell with that guy. Not sure how he would have felt about your crazy ass lime beer, but I’m sure you two would have gotten a laugh out of it if nothing else. Thanks for reading Don – always makes me happy to see your name pop up : )

  2. That is one greatest kick ass over the top dad hero stories ever told. You should be honored to have it be yours. I am honored just to comment on it. Thank you for sharing molly.

  3. I love that story so much I don’t know what to do with myself.

  4. That should have been you father’s day tribute. That is an awesome dad.

  5. I love this story. My daughter’s dad worked for Barnum and Bailey after we broke up. He also has lots of great stories to tell.

    • More please! Red or blue unit? What did he do? I’m sure it’s long after my days running around backstage, but I always love a circus tale : )

      • He was in the red unit. His job was considered part of props maintenance. He spent a lot of time with an elephant. He had a major heroin addiction, so some of the stories aren’t very happy. He’s clean and sober now, and he’s a decent writer. I keep telling him to write that shit down

      • Circus people love heroin apparently. My dad included. He was on the red unit, then the blue, back to red, then the gold unit in Japan. Yes, those stories are definitely worth telling.

  6. This has to be the best post ever. Genius. Love it and your fantastic writing.

  7. Amy Smith-Hassebrock says:

    Love it! Read your whole blog a couple weekends back (i laughed, i cried…not necessarily in that order) keep up the good work.

  8. Awesome……..Just Awesome Share.I love it.Looking forward for more.Alex,Thanks.

  9. So funny!! My favorite is the “I love you love you love you”! I’d pretty much say you had him wrapped around that little finger of yours!!

  10. That is way better than the guys who throw their jackets over mud puddles. Way better.

  11. You’re going to put this in the book. Right??

  12. Dad to the rescue!!! 🙂

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