1. Aren’t you on vacation? You need to quit posting because you’re supposed to be swimming and drinking and having vacation sex. Also because lines like “We were moh-ments away from DEA agents raiding the house, at least one parent being incarcerated, the other one being hauled in for questioning, and the possibility of me being whisked away by the Department of Social Services in an unmarked car until my father could be reached on a goddamn circus train.” are making me fall in love with you! LOL.

  2. Yeah! What about your vacation sex?

  3. I’m so grateful that lounging in a beach house is bringing back more tragic life moments for you to write about for my enjoyment. ❤

  4. People can write AND have vacation sex – then everybody wins.

  5. I love that you had to take care of criminals when you were 9 and that you got a lecture from them. Dang kids not listening to you. So bitter.

  6. You make most ordinary stories, extraordinary reads.

  7. This post is incredible.Nice share and keep on with good work.Alex,Thanks.

  8. This is the all-time greatest post ever. By anyone!

  9. Just so long as you aren’t buying the new one with drug proceeds, everything should be fine. Hell, maybe that Doberman was a former drug dog, and smelled “Eau de Bale ‘o Pot” all over that thing, and that’s why he ripped it up! 😉 Can’t wait to hear more of these stories!!

    • Oh trust. No drug money happpening over here. I’m nervous enough (like a mouse on coke). Looking over my shoulder all the time would put me in an early grave. Fuck that stupid doberman. But I laughed out loud at “Eau de Bale ‘o Pot” – you rock! Thanks for chiming in lady!

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