Vacation Sex.

There’s been a some concern about my lack of vacation sex. Let me explain.

1. We have two children with us who are small, but not small enough to sleep in an apparatus that requires an adult to free them.

2. One of them does not belong to us. She got into the car with us 11 minutes after returning from Vacation Bible Camp.

3. My dude and I are not wed, we sleep in the same bed, and we drink liquor.

4. I’ve already jumped in the pool in my pajamas and allowed them to eat four pounds of sugar in one sitting.

5. There are few things in life I would hate more than having to explain to our guest-child’s parents why I was naked with a man and appeared to be riding him.

6. The non-guest-child will be spending next week with her father’s parents. I’d rather her not discuss my being naked with someone who’s not their son, even though the last time that happened we had a different president, and it would have been more exciting if one of us was dressed up like the president.

7. The doors don’t have locks. They’re sliding panel doors in a fantastic modern house that’s not built for children unless you’re part of a nudist colony or prepared to shut down sweaty sex for bellyaches or general questions about planets.

8. The children we’re traveling with are totally interested in sex, and are able to pretend to be asleep long after they’re not.

9. We’re totally interested in sex, but after playing in the pool for six hours straight, preparing four meals and 19 snacks, negotiating 37 electronic devices that need charging, and keeping wet clothes off the floor, EVERY DAY, we’re so happy to check out every night, we can’t get to sleep fast enough to escape.

10. We have enough sex during the other 51 weeks out of the year we don’t mind forfeiting this one to children. We’ll be home in four days. Yes, I’m counting it down.


  1. I had several comments written that I erased because I wasn’t sure that we were “there” yet in our relationship, and I didn’t want to offend too much. Lol.

  2. As long as you only have to abstain for 2 weeks out of year. Yeah we made the twitter feed too!

  3. I suppose finding time and he right, private place to enjoy each others private parts is difficult with children even at home – the more so when one is not yours and you are not home where you know the creaking boards on the floor (and your door has a lock). Four days is nothing, you already survived ten πŸ˜€

  4. Welcome to real life parenting. It’s because of sex that you will never have sex again!! This should be the add campaign for HIV.

  5. Awesome……..Just Awesome Share.I love it.Looking forward for more.Alex,Thanks.

  6. hmm. I thought non wed people had to have sex every night.

  7. hahaha…there is always the bathroom unless the locks don’t work.

  8. Um, can I vacation with you next time you go?

    Not so much so we can have President sex, but so I can drink liquor, swim in my clothes, and eat four pounds of sugar!

  9. A vacation to me is sweet, sweet blissful sleep. That is the thing I crave. The rest of it? Eh.

  10. Sometimes being a responsible parent sucks, huh?? lol Your “vacation” sounds exhausting!! Wait, remind me again what a vacation is?? πŸ˜‰

  11. What is this “sex” of which you speak? LOL…oh I kid. I remember it. Hope you’re enjoying your vacation doll! I want to see pictures and there better be a mermaid tail involved!


  1. […] year I joked about this predicament because my wordpress pals were concerned I was blogging too much and not having enough vacation sex.Β  This year it’s on my mind without the help of my friends.Β  Probably because I just had a […]

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