How to Pull a Dinner Party out of your Ass.

Specifically, a dinner party for six Fabulous Gay Boys.  My house looked like this at 10am.  If you ever find yourself in this situation, here’s what to do next.

Sweep your driveway.

IMG_7452

Rake your yard (and then call your yard king in a panic because there’s no way you can bag the 10,947,832 leaves by hand before the sun comes up – thank you Benjamin).

IMG_7453

Whine about the blister raking caused.

blister

Keep it moving.

Clean your deck.

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Clean your fireplace.

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Go buy one of these:

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Go here:

crate and barrel

Buy these:

coffee-2

Go here:

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Buy this:

cheese bar

And this:

wine selection

And ingredients for caesar and caprese salads, lamb, asparagus, potatoes, fruit, and these:

flower

Go home and frantically unpack said ingredients.

Chill salad plates and dessert cups like this:

IMG_7491

Set the table:

set table

Make a caprese salad with heirloom tomatoes.

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Add buffalo mozzarella and fresh basil with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, but forget to photograph anything because you’re not Rachel Ray.

Chop garlic like this:

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And rosemary like this:

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And thyme like this:

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And Italian parsley like this (using cheese cloth to dry for best results):

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Mix with bread crumbs and set aside.

Coat lamb in olive oil, and salt and pepper and sear like this:

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Rub with mayonnaise and mustard combined, pack on the the combined herbs/bread crumb mix, and bake.

Cut and coat asparagus in garlic, olive oil and salt, and bake, like this:

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Almost shit your pants when the first guest arrives 15 minutes early.  Run upstairs, change clothes, put on make-up, and get back downstairs in 12 minutes.

Serve Concord Smash cocktails.  (Squish the grapes into a puree, strain and mix with vodka and lime)…

cocktail

Also serve Vanilla Pear Vodka cocktails (vanilla bean and pear nectar), and then take a blurry photo that can’t be used.

Completely forget to photograph the Whiskey Daisy because you’re having fun.

Put together a cheese tray and forget to photograph until it looks like this:

cheese tray

Serve Michael’s award-winning Caesar salad and ruin Caesar salad for everyone for the rest of their life, like this:

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Cut lamb and then plate like this:

lamb

Make kick-ass-secret-recipe mashed potatoes and forget to photograph them because there are 17 things happening at once.

Make a toast to the guests of honor and our very dear friends, the newlyweds (squeal!), Wil and Mark.

wil and mark

Enjoy dinner and hilarious conversation with a table full of some of the most awesome people on the planet.  From left to right: Mark, Wil, Gustavo, Werner (empty seat because he was busy flying in from LAX and being fabulous while this toast was being made – you’ll see him later), Jaime, Carey and Kenny.  Co-host image not available because he was busy making more fabulous cocktails.

friends

Check on daughter upstairs, who’s hosting a party of her own:

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Pretend you didn’t see nail polish in the bathroom and go downstairs to clear plates.  Immediately realize you need nine dishwashers.

Beat together heavy whipping cream, sugar and vanilla – put in chilled dessert cups and top with fresh berries like this:

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Take 37 photos to get this ONE because trying to get gay boys to agree on one image requires two judges and a few members of the UN.

ONe

Thank your fabulous beau and charming co-host for helping you pull the party out of your ass.

michael

Air kiss everyone and tell them to GTFO because you have to get up in five hours to run a 5k.

Close the door behind them and take a moment to be thankful for the wonderful people in your life.  Take another one to appreciate the progress our nation is making, and hope for even more.

Fill the dishwasher up once, observe remaining disaster, sigh dramatically, and wander upstairs to bed like Scarlett O’Hara.  “I’ll think about that tomorrow.”

NaBloPoMo November 2013

Comments

  1. Are you kidding me? That blister. You chilled your salad plates.

  2. If I wasn’t already married, and a heterosexual, and had more style, I’d consider marrying a gay man just so I could ask you to host the party. Very, very well done, Molly 😉

  3. 😀

  4. I was going to mention the progress our world has made. Glad you tipped your hat. My two little girls think nothing of men being with other men and women being together. They’ve got a couple of classmates who have ‘two mommies.’ I think even the new Pope is starting to see the light.

    • Absolutely. It’s an important issue to me because I have so many incredibly lovely gay people in my life. I really respect that you’re teaching your daughters to be loving and accepting toward all people. I’m doing my best to do the same : )

      • Believe me, in another generation it won’t make a damn bit of difference who your partner is. Do you know that it used to be against the law for two difference races to wed and have children? Astonishingly, it wasn’t all that long ago. Things change.

  5. Well, executed, Ms. Molly! Pretending to not see the nail polish was a brilliant move mid party. Why is it that whenever there’s a group of more than three gay men one is always named Gustavo?

  6. Wow! You could be a close runner up to Rachel Ray. Very impressive and nice post. The entire meal looked yummy!

  7. Your dining room is legit. Also, reading about people serving meals to their friends makes me warm and cozy inside. Speaking of queer guys, Ted Allen once said that serving food to people was always a vital experience, because through the food you’re actually nourishing them and keeping them alive. Kind of awesome, huh? P.S. I love that there were munchkins upstairs in the tub while all this seemingly effortless glamor was happening downstairs!

    • Thanks Jennie! That IS an awesome way to look at it – I love hosting parties. If I was rich I would do it all the time! Even with kids upstairs in the tub haha. Anna and her little pal had an awesome time – they think it’s magic when they order Chinese food and appears at the door 30 minutes later. They lose their little minds : )

  8. Sounds as if everyone had fun! And that is what it’s all about, isn’t it?

  9. My brother is gay. One of the things I miss the most about him being 3000 miles away is when he and his partner would come over for dinner (which would happen once or twice a month) and we’d open a bottle of wine (or two… or so) and we’d cook. And laugh. And just have a great time. Your post brought back great memories. And your dinner party looked AWESOME!

  10. I thought you were going to say that really all you did was get some dip from Costco like I would have done.

  11. Hostess with the mostess! Where’s my invite? I’ll come around to a dinner party at yours any time!

  12. Your Blog is seriously one of the BEST parts about participating in NaBloPoMo – discovering your hilariousness was a blessing! I can’t stop laughing.

  13. Damn woman! You totally pulled it out of your ass, covered with sparkles, flames, and fireworks while riding on a unicorn!! More than well done. Color me beyond jealous.

  14. I am so god damned impressed with you that it is out of control. WELL DONE! I am totally going to steal all of this the next time I have people over for dinner. Chilling the plates is such an easy yet fancy touch.

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