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Work mouth
Corporate jargon is so dumb it makes my face itch. Unless there is a golf ball involved, no one should be “teeing it up” at the next meeting. I also don’t like anyone’s chances of “ideating” unless they live on a planet where that’s a real word. My grandmother would laugh her ass off if…
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Don’t do that.
Pineapples are for pina coladas and stationery.
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M is for “whom”
Now that you’ve rescued each other, maybe you can rescue the missing M. Last seen in the dictionary. Could be a hostage situation.
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Vagina Wars.
It’s a bullshit war that isn’t even properly declared. It’s an ambush, and girls spend seven stupid days launching tiny cotton missiles into their vaginas. The only way it makes sense is if they were foolishly straddling the loaded barrel of a shotgun and it went off. At least there would be someone to blame.…
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Secrets about your privates
Latest gem from Anna: “It’s very hard to tell boys secrets about your privates when you’re in the bathroom.” Me: (Pause for internal playback) “Um, what?” And then, like the magic reserved for a gripping game of Telephone, she delivered a completely different sentence with a similar word count. Nice try, but I was a Telephone…
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No Cocktails On The Lido Deck
This is why we don’t cruise, mmmmkay?
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