The Impossible Dream – A New Musical About Work

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This is what’s happening today if anybody says some stupid shit to me.

Note:  “stupid shit” means any words that aren’t spoken or written by me.

Oh you want to know why so crabby, Princess Whineypants?  My furnace-condenser-thingy is broken, I got into a texting duel with some lady who gave birth to me, my stupid cat vomited on my favorite sweater, the turtle filter stopped working AGAIN, the fish tank has so much nitrate in it even the neighbors are gasping for air, my first conference call lasted four days and three nights, and I’m totally constipated because apparently I “can’t let shit go” and it’s physically manifesting in my butt.

Heeyyyy Babies R Us just called – they want me to be their new spokesperson!

On that note, I invite you all to enjoy a splendiferous weekend.  Lucky for you, it doesn’t include ME.  That means you just won the Life Lottery so hard there should be newscasters and camera trucks outside your door right now.

Happy Friday, y’all!

PS  please do not come at me with some nonsense about how I’m promoting violence in the workplace and defaming our dear friend, Julie Andrews.  I will climb through WordPress like a spider monkey and beat your ass.

NaBloPoMo November 2013

Comments

  1. Perfection. I am reblogging this because it’s perfect. I love the rage. fuck julie andrews and her horrible hair.

  2. Love the “Sound of Machine Gun” photoshop. Good laugh. 🙂

  3. If you replaced every noun with a different noun (except you can keep shit as a noun), this is totally the kind of day I’m having! So good to feel in good company. Let’s enjoy a virtual glass of wine at exactly 4:59 pm EST together. (Thanks for the refreshing chuckle.)

    • You’re ON – I’m setting the alarm in my phone now! I may still be at work – is that bad? Don’t answer that. I’m sorry you’re having a shitty noun day too. Here’s the good news – I think my frown plus your frown equals a gigantic smile. I’m going with that. See? All better now – hooray!

  4. Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but Julie Andrews with Uzis is the best thing I’ve seen today maybe.

  5. I never liked The Sound of Music. Love the pic. Call it my dark sense of humour. LOL!

  6. Preach on, preach on. I have had the kind of idiotic day that makes me want to thump a puppy in the eye.

  7. HahahahahahaHA! And can I please steal that Julie Andrews picture?

  8. … and it is ME who gets all the Anger-Management-Spam-Mails …

  9. HAHAHA! We all have days (at least almost) like these.
    And you, the article about the surftrip is now up. Hope it makes your day at least a bit brighter 🙂

    • Great surf post – sorry you got though – boooo. More pics please – you were in such a beautiful place! Wishing you a super quick recovery (and no surgery) : )

  10. “I got into a texting duel with some lady who gave birth to me” — happens to me all the time but i never knew what to call it. This is perfect.

  11. holy mother I love that picture!!!!!

  12. You had me at “Julie Andrew with uzis.”

    And it kept getting better 😉

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