My Little Brony – the Truth about Ponyville

There’s a whole group of “bros” out there obsessed with My Little Pony.  Yes, the animated series made for tiny children about a unicorn pony named Twilight Sparkle who goes to the magical land of Ponyville to learn lessons about friendship.  These full-grown men call themselves Bronies and “brohoof” each other. They also wear My Little Pony costumes and attend Brony Conventions to eat cereal and play with little plastic ponies.  

brohoof

They’re fully dedicated to spreading the pony love with slogans like this:

photo credit:  www.cheezeburger.com

Leave your balls behind and join us!

photo credit:  memecrunch.com

Don’t hate.  Appreciate.

fc,220x200,light_pink.u2

Wow.

Thankfully the BBC did a documentary so we could learn more about this phenomenon.

After watching it, I wasn’t satisfied I had all the information.  Mainly because it just doesn’t seem possible to me that there’s an entire community of dudes in their 20’s wearing footie pajamas watching pink unicorns solve four-year old problems with taffy and cupcakes.

Lookit, I’m all for the magic of friendship, believing in unicorns and promoting love and tolerance, but I’m also concerned about this group of guys whose testicles aren’t dropping.  After all, it is Movember – this deserves our attention.

So I looked into this fan club a little more, starting with the list of Ponies:

Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Sweetie Belle, Mrs. Cupcake and Cheerilee

Okay, I guess it’s true – these dudes really are just super sweet boys who love ponies and unicorns.

But then I scrolled down the list a little further and these pony names appeared:

Ms. Peachbottom, Princess Candance, Candy Mane, Evening Star, Peachy Cream, and The Great and Powerful Trixie

Um, those sound a lot like stripper names.

I continued down the list of ponies…

Happy Trails, Magnum, Hugh Jelly, Midnight Fun, Masseuse Pony Quake, Big Shot, and Score

Now it’s starting to make sense.

I think pot may also be involved.  Here are some more ponies:

Half-Baked Apple, Apple munchies, Chocolate Haze, Cosmic, Jim Beam, Purple Haze, Smokestack, Screw Loose, and Screwball

Wtf?

Personally, I was happy to see there’s also a My Little Diva Pony collection:

Stinkin’ Rich, Filthy Rich, Hoity Toity, High Style, Pampered Pearl, Persnickety, Pish Posh, Jet Set, Upper Crust, Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara, and Prince Blueblood

But I’m concerned about the My Little Write-What-You-Know Pony collection (also known as the show creator went on vacation and it started out great but ended really poorly):

Bon Voyage, All Aboard, Sandy Soles, Sunset Bliss, Blue Skies, Sightseer, Storm, High Winds, Tourist Trap, Cold Front, Hard Knocks, Endless Clouds, Cloud Kicker

And finally, the My Little I Can’t Possibly Think Up One More Pony Name and I’m Starting to Panic Pony:

Wacky Hair Day and Spray, Hors D’oeuvre, Monochrome Sunset, Hay Fever, Whiplash, Headless Horse

Please reference the list for yourself if you think I’m making any of this up…

So what I learned from this little research project is Bronies are crafty dudes who hang out in the basement smoking pot and watching porn, and no one suspects a thing because they’re members of the sweetest cult ever invented.  They’ve also taken the show writers hostage to insure they continue to produce the show, which explains the obvious decline in pony names.  They’ve even created on-line chatrooms and communities like:  Equestria Daily and Ponychan to corroborate their stories.

Bronies may be the most cleverly disguised cover in the history of brotherhoods.

Oddly I feel better now.  I guess their testicles are fine after all.
NaBloPoMo November 2013

Comments

  1. This explains so much. But I’d still prefer a dash of honesty rather than the pink footie pjs. Because…really?

  2. I don’t know if “phenomenon” is the appropriate phrase to use. Mental illness comes to mind. I refrained from clicking on the Equestria Daily and Ponychan links in case I’m being watched. A talk radio show I listen to plays interviews that are conducted at Brony conventions. These guys are sad, broken individuals.

    • Hahaha gahd love ya Mark. You’re such a real man – it gives me hope.

    • Aluminumnati says:

      Yes, totally. All bronies are sad, broken individuals. It’s totally reasonable to assume that every single person that likes a certain fandom is a broken individual. Perhaps it’s just that it’s actually a good show? Have you ever taken the time to watch the show? I’ll admit, it’s not for everyone, but it is a good show. Before you judge, take the time to understand something first. Look from a different point of view than your own.

  3. Thanks for shining some light on the Bronys. I still don’t get it, but I thoroughly enjoyed your take on it!

  4. Hahahahaha! Brilliant 😀 Bronies!

  5. I think I’ll use this as Litmus test for any guy I ever take an interest in ever again. If they react to the word ‘Brony’, I’ll just gently send them on their way…

    • This is an excellent plan! No girl needs to end up with a dude in footie jammies ; )

      • what is wrong with a football-club-pajama? Not that I have one – they do not do female oversized ones 😦 And what do football club pajamas have to do with My Little Pony – which is the favourite show of Private, the Penguin – from the Penguins of Madagascar – a show I love. How can anyone not love the four forceful penguins – smile ahd shake, just smile and shake …

  6. You learn something new everyday. LOL!

  7. I’m glad you’re feeling better. I wish I could say the same.

    • It’s sad that it makes me feel better to think of them getting stoned and watching porn, but honestly that’s how much the real purpose of this group makes my stomach turn. And it has NOTHING to do with gender. It has everything to do with age and this terrifying generation that refuses to grow up. End rant. And scene.

  8. I watched that documentary and continue to believe most of these guys are decent, if a bit socially awkward. Although…. those names… are bad. I checked the list just to verify because they were so unbelievable.

    I thought Bronies were a weird fetish before i watched the documentary. I was a little disappointed no body talked about the underside of the Bronie world. So… I did some unfortunate research and found out there is a sub-culture within bronies (that are said to be a minority of brionies) called Cloppers. Those are the ones that sexualize it. And that’s creepy.

  9. That’s a nicely made answer to a chelianglng question

  10. Brony fan. says:

    It’s Princess Mi Amore Cadenza!

    • And yes, there are a small portion of bronies/pegasisters that… “clop” That is one of the more disturbing sections of the fandom. Others include “cupcakes”, a story that is “dark”. There are more things along with that story, but it seems to be the most popular. Then, there are those who make cross-overs with mlp and other stories. Some enjoy making head cannon stories. That is a little more information on the subject.

  11. I can’t believe I’ve been going for years without knowing that.

Trackbacks

  1. […] take zero responsibility for themselves, and pretend capitalism doesn’t exist.  Let’s toss the Bronies into this reality-free zone and they can all play My Little Pony together while eating cereal in their […]

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