Nothing will make me run to my keyboard faster than the chance to openly mock something stupid. In this case it’s millennial protesters stomping around San Francisco whining at tech employees and demanding $3 billion from Google. Specifically, they think the technology industry is turning everyone into slaves, and they want to shut it all down. But first they want Google to provide free housing to everyone in the Bay Area and Oakland. Please watch the video in that article – this is the new activism.
The kids at Counterforce were compelled to share that video because they thought it would “add something to the conversation, as it makes it all very human, mundane, and awkward.” I’m sure those were the same goals Mandela had in mind when he was advocating for change. Likewise, Martin Luther King, Jr. no doubt blasted his adversaries with, “I hope your day goes really badly.” Ooooooh, burn.
They also paper-bombed a neighborhood with eloquent flyers stating they weren’t going to “suck their cocks” anymore – referring to the employees of the tech industry.
That stunt was coupled with an open letter to Google officially demanding money and strongly advising them to, “to take us seriously.” I’m sure everyone will get right on that. Clearly this is a group who has some intelligent strategies for preserving the culture of San Francisco and protecting the welfare of its lower-income residents. Let’s all listen up.
Here’s their solution. Google spends $3 billion to build a commune where everyone can live for free, take zero responsibility for themselves, and pretend capitalism doesn’t exist. Let’s toss the Bronies into this reality-free zone and they can all play My Little Pony together while eating cereal in their pajamas.
Here’s some practical advice for the “anarchists” in this video:
A) Do not liken being employed as a barista or sandwich-maker to being a slave. Ever. Obviously you’re not familiar with the real horrors of slavery. Google it.
B) None of the activists in our history who affected real change did so by whining and writing ransom notes demanding billions of dollars so they wouldn’t have to pay rent. The stories of real activists are well documented, and available on the internet.
C) Brush up on your vocabulary – using “like” 37 times in four minutes makes you sound dumb. Webster’s dictionary is available on-line. There’s also an app for that. It even has a thesaurus.
D) Note that people rarely rush to listen to, or cooperate with, people who trespass, stalk, and tape conversations without permission. All of that is generally considered rude. It’s also illegal.
E) Follow Google’s example and spend your time building rather than trying to destroy. “Bursting the Google Bubble” is not only not extremely unlikely, it’s also not the solution.
F) Harness the opportunity around you. Right outside your back door are: people who really care about the future of San Francisco, people who have more money than they know what to do with, celebrities looking for good PR opportunities (Google kings and queens of Silicon Valley for a comprehensive list), and government officials looking to be re-elected. Create a plan that addresses the concerns threatening your city, create a budget and timeline, and invite residents and businesses to invest in the solution. Because right now? You’re part of the problem.
Also, do your homework and put on clean socks. Your mom will be home soon.