Stalking and Ransom Notes: the Key to Free Housing

Nothing will make me run to my keyboard faster than the chance to openly mock something stupid.  In this case it’s millennial protesters stomping around San Francisco whining at tech employees and demanding $3 billion from Google.  Specifically, they think the technology industry is turning everyone into slaves, and they want to shut it all down.  But first they want Google to provide free housing to everyone in the Bay Area and Oakland.  Please watch the video in that article – this is the new activism.

The kids at Counterforce were compelled to share that video because they thought it would “add something to the conversation, as it makes it all very human, mundane, and awkward.”  I’m sure those were the same goals Mandela had in mind when he was advocating for change.  Likewise, Martin Luther King, Jr. no doubt blasted his adversaries with, “I hope your day goes really badly.”  Ooooooh, burn.

They also paper-bombed a neighborhood with eloquent flyers stating they weren’t going to “suck their cocks” anymore – referring to the employees of the tech industry.

compliments of Google search...

compliments of Google search…

That stunt was coupled with an open letter to Google officially demanding money and strongly advising them to, “to take us seriously.”  I’m sure everyone will get right on that.  Clearly this is a group who has some intelligent strategies for preserving the culture of San Francisco and protecting the welfare of its lower-income residents.  Let’s all listen up.

Here’s their solution.  Google spends $3 billion to build a commune where everyone can live for free, take zero responsibility for themselves, and pretend capitalism doesn’t exist.  Let’s toss the Bronies into this reality-free zone and they can all play My Little Pony together while eating cereal in their pajamas.

Here’s some practical advice for the “anarchists” in this video:

A)  Do not liken being employed as a barista or sandwich-maker to being a slave.  Ever.  Obviously you’re not familiar with the real horrors of slavery.  Google it.

B)  None of the activists in our history who affected real change did so by whining and writing ransom notes demanding billions of dollars so they wouldn’t have to pay rent.  The stories of real activists are well documented, and available on the internet.

C)  Brush up on your vocabulary – using “like” 37 times in four minutes makes you sound dumb.  Webster’s dictionary is available on-line.  There’s also an app for that.  It even has a thesaurus.

D)  Note that people rarely rush to listen to, or cooperate with, people who trespass, stalk, and tape conversations without permission.  All of that is generally considered rude.  It’s also illegal.

E)  Follow Google’s example and spend your time building rather than trying to destroy.  “Bursting the Google Bubble” is not only not extremely unlikely, it’s also not the solution.

F)  Harness the opportunity around you. Right outside your back door are: people who really care about the future of San Francisco, people who have more money than they know what to do with, celebrities looking for good PR opportunities (Google kings and queens of Silicon Valley for a comprehensive list), and government officials looking to be re-elected. Create a plan that addresses the concerns threatening your city, create a budget and timeline, and invite residents and businesses to invest in the solution.  Because right now?  You’re part of the problem.

Also, do your homework and put on clean socks.  Your mom will be home soon.

 

 

 

Comments

  1. This reminds me of the suffragist movement when activists went on hunger strikes and were force fed until eventually the government granted women the right to vote. Whoops. Sorry, I think I might be a bit drunk because this is nothing like that.

  2. Holy crap… all right, these guys need a serious spanking. I don’t generally go for that kind of discipline, but sometimes you just gotta apply the hand… okay now I sound weird. Great. Just great. But these guys are way lamer than me, so I figure I’m ok.

  3. monabliss says:

    I can’t even respond to this because it’s so dumb. There IS something to be concerned about regarding the disappearing Middle Class and ever increasing wage gap. But “build us free housing” isn’t even the kind of solution that should get traction among a group of stoners much less the entire internet. Please let this die so the people who are really try to affect change about these issues can get some damn air time and attention.

    • Oh girl. I could not agree more. I’m sorry I gave it traction but I couldn’t NOT say anything. This generation terrifies me. If I eh ver see Anna in some bullshit video like that I will beat her narrow ass. Truth.

  4. Little punks. Don’t you want to just bitch slap them?

    p.s. I’m so happy you’re back. I’ve missed you!

  5. Well I was going to use the term “bitch slap” but I see that Nancy Tex beat me to the punch. Or slap.

    I hadn’t heard about this (from under the rock where I live) but WOW. This sort of thing makes me worried about future generations (I’m very old and very mature, you can see) . Honestly, how can they liken that sort of job–in any serious way– to slavery? Good lord, it would be laughable if it weren’t so damn disrespectful and… awkward.

    • Thank you so much for saying, “good Lord.” I say it all the time in real life, but I never type it out because I’m southern and GOD FORBID (there I said it) I might offend someone…Also? If this boohlshit in SF is any indication, I’m afraid of future generations also. Que en el mundo?

      • I say Good Lord waaaaay too much! I try to cut back on the Oh My God’s (strict upbringing over here) but they still slip out from time to time. What can ya do?

      • So do I!!! Which is why we’re friends. The whole I-dated-a-sociopath thing bonds us too, but I prefer to focus on language.

  6. I find it hard to believe that cock suckers are having trouble finding housing in San Francisco.

  7. Twindaddy says:

    Oy vey. That’s really all I can think of to say.

  8. Oh but you must understand *not* – they all had this fantastic community, where they all lived for free in waterless, shutdown derelict buildings – and now Google came along and all those wonderful free opportunities have been turned into new houses and offices and they are “forced to work” for their living – that is slavery, if you are FORCED to WORK just to survive, isn’t it? 😉

    You really think it is just this generation? I think of the 70ies (which I barely remember, being a child then) – weren’t there enough people thinking just like this – they are inmates in drug-therapy clinics now.

  9. deweydecimalsbutler says:

    There are enough real causes in this world to fight for, kids. Quit making shit up.

  10. Well said, Molly! 😉

  11. I actually really love Google. I mean, I’m sure they have some shady practices, but they can’t be all that bad, right. This whole thing is ridiculous.

    • I love them, too! I can’t even imagine a world without the Internet. Travel plans, research, entertainment, working from home etc. I’m pro-google all the way : )

  12. During the Occupied Wall Street movement, the local TV stations would send crews down to interview the activists but many of them couldn’t articulate exactly why they were there or suggest any workable solutions. I’m sure a lot of that was because they were edited to look like idiots, but it was very effective. Nobody took them seriously.

    • It’s disturbing. Seems like the “activists” today are more interested in complaining than solving anything. And this nonsense about living rent free? Puleazzze y’all. Stoppit.

  13. Great last paragraph! Love it!

  14. Between this post and my comment, I actually went to San Francisco, and heard plenty of complaints about the same problem. (Can’t say I don’t do my research:) ). Yes, Google, Twitter, other companies are moving into the city, but it’s not them who are raising the rents. It’s the landlords who see it as an excellent business opportunity, and are willing to try pretty much anything to kick out their rent-controlled tenants to replace them with people who can pay twice as much. How about these activists hound the landlords, create an association that tracks the landlord abuse, makes it even harder to for them to evict tenants, and provides help to tenants to fight evictions? Oh. That’s actual hard work, and work is slavery. Got it.

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