Deep Thoughts on Thanksgiving

I’m thankful my uncle pretends to blow my brother at family gatherings.

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And that my brother eggs him on by trying to put his tongue in his ear.

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And that ultimately no decent photos can be taken because they do this.

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I’m also thankful my 3yo cousin regularly moons the entire family – our legacy of being completely inappropriate is secure.

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The girls are catching up – I’m sure their photo bomb tactics will improve with age and continuous exposure.

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I’m also thankful it’s not uncommon in my family to hear segues like:

“Hey remember that time you jumped off that cliff nekkid?”

And then we all look around because it’s unclear who the question is directed to, and everyone in the room qualifies.

I’m thankful no one blinks when sentences start with:

“When I was a stripper at The Golden Banana…”

or end with:

“Fuck it – I’m moving to Costa Rica.” 

I’m also thankful I’m from Horry County, where we have our own televised version of Dancing with the Stars.

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Please be sure you really take in that amazing platinum toupee/mullet (toupullet?) on the left.IMG_7780

I’m thankful that in my hometown we don’t just have hermit crabs, we have Designer Hermit Crabs. 

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And that beachwear stores aren’t just for airbrushed t-shirts and towels anymore.

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I’m also thankful I had all this family fun last weekend.  That means I don’t have to drive anywhere today, the busiest travel holiday of the year.  Hooray!

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I’m sitting in my house six hours away, in my underwear, doing nothing for this entire glorious day. (Image not found).

Therefore, I’m incredibly grateful I won’t be doing any of the following:

Spending two hours in the grocery store…

Getting home and wishing I had one of these.

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Knowing this is the proper plan.

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But doing this instead.

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Because I want to avoid this.

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Then spending five hours in the kitchen having this fantasy.

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Feeling sad when the meal is over in 13 minutes, and the table has become a landfill crowned with a carcass.

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Then wishing I had this.

But realizing I have something more like this, but I’m not as grateful as she is in the video.

This year I’m eating one pan-fried steak, zero turkey, and zero casseroles.

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Then I will resume doing nothing, in my underwear, and I will be truly thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving y’all!
NaBloPoMo November 2013

Comments

  1. I suggest mullpee instead of toupullet.

  2. I like the pink handcuffs. No bong?

    Isn’t that Atlanta? I used to go there for business. WORST. TRAFFIC. ANYWHERE.

    Only two days left. So sad.

    • Me too!

      And yes, that’s Atlanta. It can get crappy, but beats the hell out of LA. I had the 101 to the 405 commute every day for years, and that truly sucked. Upside, I read a lot in the car haha.

      And double hell yes – only two days left – hooray!

      Happy Thanksgiving Mark!!

  3. Enjoy yoself, woman, you deserve it. Love me some, uh nontraditional? families. They look like a lot of fun.

  4. I’m thankful you have a camera. *grin*

  5. Yeah we still win the award for crappiest traffic but…no humidity, so there’s that. L.A. misses you girl but more importantly I MISS YOU! Happiest of Thanksgiving to you and yours. xoxo

  6. I am home alone today and so grateful for the quiet and stillness and some rice and vegies with butternut squash soup…..getting ready for a nice long bath and may just put my pj’s back on too. Love friends and family and fellowship too and I can appreciate your family….soooo well! 🙂 The longer I live the more I enjoy
    a balance of activity and stillness.

    • Yes! I love these quiet days when I get them. They’re so rare in my world lately. I love the busy ones just as much : ). Happy Thanksgiving Caroline – sounds like you’re going to have a perfect day! XO

  7. Please tell me where I can see this show? I swear to god that judge is Donald Trump.

    • I think you actually have to be in Horry County to see it, but I will look into it and get back to you : ). It was clearly being taped in some local hotel ballroom – we were dying to abandon our own party and crash theirs haha.

  8. Love the family photos! Happy Thanksgiving, belated!!

  9. Is your nephew doing the robot in those pictures? Showing you how big the fish he caught last summer was? I feel like that kid is up to something…

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