Father’s Day Manifesto

Being a father is really hard, and we can’t thank you enough.  No, really.  It’s literally impossible to heap sufficient praise on those who spend decades trying to turn sperm into a decent human.


Fortunately, you never give up, and for that we are eternally grateful.

Here is my Father’s Day wish for you:

  • You can stay in the bathroom without anyone knocking on the door for as long as you like.
  • You can watch whatever show you want for as long as you like without being interrupted.
  • You can nap as long as you want.
  • You aren’t asked to do ANYTHING.  Even if it was supposed to already be done and you forgot.
  • Your favorite snacks are stocked in the pantry.
  • Your favorite drinks are stocked in the fridge
  • You are thanked on the hour for all you do.
  • You don’t have to go ANYWHERE unless you just want to.
  • You have the kind of sex you had before you were a parent.
  • You get some crappy homemade card that says you’re the best dad in the whole world.  Because you are.

Happy Father’s Day!


  1. Let me hook you up with my wife’s email address. You’re more than welcome to forward this wishlist to her!

  2. Sounds similar to the Father’s Day we cheffed up for my husband. Also, we drank mojitos and painted the inside of his shed. Plus, right now he’s blissed out watching golf. You’re welcome, husband of mine. Ha!

  3. I hit some of those today. 🙂

  4. Reblogged this on xdayschocolate.

  5. You have to possibly be the best wife in the world!

  6. My two daughters made breakfast for me. They made soggy french toast and bacon that was burnt to a blackened ash. But they look of joy and rapture on their faces made it worth choking down.

  7. That must be the best Father’s Day EVER! Pity it wasn’t mine.

  8. Father’s Day is a great day! but for me, that day is gone!

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