Obviously I’m a unicorn

Friday, November 6th Recap:

Choreographed silly dance for upcoming Flash Mob Birthday celebration.  It will be legitimate blackmail for everyone involved, including me.

Participated in two conference calls about very important things that I immediately forgot because Fall Festival!

Parked illegally in front of Anna’s school and hauled in enough face paint for 500 elementary school children.

Was the ONLY parent who agreed to have their face painted.


Obviously I’m a “unicorn”…

Painted the faces of small children, very poorly, for two hours.  Not one of them cried when I held up the mirror.  So polite.

Did not have a complete nervous breakdown in spite of being in a sea of screaming children all afternoon.

Drove 40 miles to see a super-cool outdoor performance of Sleepy Hollow.  I’m sure it was amazing for the people who could FIND THE FUCKING VENUE.  You know what’s scarier than a headless horseman?  Sign-less hippies.

Drove 40 miles back home, in the rain, playing “would you rather” because choosing between eating cat dookie and drinking a sweat milkshake is the best way to numb fury.

Now I’m home and I’d like to take a moment to be grateful.

I have legs.

Phones have mute.

I’m driving a rental car with PRE-PAID insurance, so if I crash twice in one week it’s FREE.

Wearing face paint limits small talk because adults are afraid of other adults that wear face paint.

No matter how shitty an artist I am, glitter makes me a winner.

I’m not a hippie.

NaBloPoMo November 2015


  1. 🙂 at least you survived it all 🙂

  2. And yes, obviously you’re a unicorn – what else could you be? – but maybe a little bit tired or beaten up, I’ve never seen one with such black eyes…

  3. You know else wears face paint? The Joker. And he kills lots of people. So maybe they should be wary of you

  4. Wife was also surrounded by a sea of screaming kids on the 6th of November. Oh wait, that happens to her every day…

    Not being a teacher, now that is something to be thankful for!

  5. If real unicorns were actually moms who are also full time rock stars in every way AND can choose a shirt that coordinates perfectly with the face paint like you did? Then unicorns are real and you are their leader. Well done.

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