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Tips (I said tip) for an Awesome Monday
M – make someone feel as special as they are – tell them the top three reasons you’re happy they’re in your life. O – own the day by setting aside 15-60 minutes just for you – do anything that makes you smile. N – say “nope” to something you’d normally say yes to out of guilt…
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When the Fruit Falls so Far it’s in Another Orchard
My room looks like this: Anna’s room looks like this: It’s the live-action version of Where’s Waldo? Seriously our bunny is in this pic. The first person to find Hugh wins. Meanwhile I’m going to clean this room and play: How-soon-will-I-need-Antibiotics?
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My Little Brony – the Truth about Ponyville
There’s a whole group of “bros” out there obsessed with My Little Pony. Yes, the animated series made for tiny children about a unicorn pony named Twilight Sparkle who goes to the magical land of Ponyville to learn lessons about friendship. These full-grown men call themselves Bronies and “brohoof” each other. They also wear My Little Pony costumes and attend Brony…
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The Impossible Dream – A New Musical About Work
This is what’s happening today if anybody says some stupid shit to me. Note: “stupid shit” means any words that aren’t spoken or written by me. Oh you want to know why so crabby, Princess Whineypants? My furnace-condenser-thingy is broken, I got into a texting duel with some lady who gave birth to me, my stupid cat…
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Disney Loves Crossdressers
All the minions in Despicable Me are boys, which is why I LOVE LOVE LOVE that they’re in hula outfits and French maid costumes in the movie. Yay Disney! So progressive of them, no? Steve Carell is my Movie Boyfriend. I met him once. I’m sure he remembers. Disney drag queens to celebrity crushes – it’s what…
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The Twisty Path of No.
You know how when you get a “no” to something really important you get all bitter-shitpissed about it? If you’re one of those wise and gentle souls who doesn’t lose their mind when they hear “no” please stop here or I’ll feel self-conscious the whole time you’re reading this post. Thanks. So you’re bitter-shitpissed about…
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Runways are Fun.
This is how I feel trying to write a post tonight. If you’re not on this NaBloPoMo party train, you are MISSING OUT. Sleep and clean clothes are totally overrated.
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How to Pull a Dinner Party out of your Ass.
Specifically, a dinner party for six Fabulous Gay Boys. My house looked like this at 10am. If you ever find yourself in this situation, here’s what to do next. Sweep your driveway. Rake your yard (and then call your yard king in a panic because there’s no way you can bag the 10,947,832 leaves by hand…
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NaBloPoMo – Day 9,034,854
Anna and I got up at 6:40am for the Girls on the Run 5k. I wore these ridiculous Hello Kitty ear muff thingies because they give me magic powers. We went to IHOP and ate 9,000 calories afterward. Then we came home and took a three-hour nap. I woke up and my kitchen still looked…
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10 Reasons I Shouldn’t be Hosting a Dinner Party for Six Fabulous Gay Boys Tonight.
1. My yard looks like this: 2. My driveway looks like this: 3. I just noticed this above my front door (and no, it’s not leftover Halloween decorations) 4. My deck looks like this: 5. My fireplace looks like this: 6. My dining room chairs like this: 7. Or this: 8. This is the only…
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That one time being a giant butthole made me a nicer person.
There was a screaming baby in the observation area of the gymnastics center. Like inside the building where people with ears were present. The mother was staring into space, mindlessly bouncing and sshhing. The baby screamed louder. I took the Asshole Express to Judgementville, and then went outside to wait for the class to end. While…
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NaBloPoMo Day #7
Here’s me: I wish I knew who made this so I could credit them.
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Public Service Announcement on that Cold Sore.
I am not a doctor, but this shit is true and it works. I used to get cold sores a lot when I was a kid, which is great fun when you’re already self-conscious and anxious. Thankfully someone shared this tip with me when I was in high school. I’ve only had one since then,…
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Drug Runs, Broken Toes, and a Backseat Nun.
The Cadillac Clock Hustler was the first half of the day. This is the second half. It was already dark when we arrived at the place to meet the people with the stuff. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to be there. My guess is the babysitter cancelled, or disappeared. We were invited inside a mobile…
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“Love Languages” sounds like a Bunch of Hippie Bullshit but it’s Not.
I don’t want to oversimplify but…there are five love languages, everyone has two favorites, and if you pay attention to them, you can improve your personal relationships by doing WAY LESS than you’re doing now. That’s right: you can be lazy AND happy. Please do buy the book because it’s worth reading. Their claim to…
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NaBloPoMo is Totally Happening…
National Blog Post Month – I accepted the challenge. Prepare to see Mollytopia in your inbox every single day of your fantastic life until December. This can only mean one thing: it could get ugly. I’ve never posted every day. I can’t think of shit that fast except for that I do but it can…
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Sometimes you just HAVE to…
Then wake up (image not available), and go to pool to test the tail… Hooray! The tail works beautifully, I am my daughter’s hero for the day, and my Dude has named me Miu Miu of the Sea. Champion.
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