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The Devil is hot pink
It’s a common misconception that the Devil is red and carries a pitchfork. I want to clear that up for you right now, and I can because I met the Devil last night. I was promised all my suffering would end… and that I would be rewarded with peaceful slumber. All I had to do…
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Make the game your bitch
I read a post last night that made me feel like a real parental dumb-ass. I want you to read it, too. Not because I want you to feel like a dumb-ass, but because I’m interested in what the outcome of the game will be in your house. It’s designed to help kids develop a positive self-image. …
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International You’re Wonderful Day 2014
I gave some pri-tee solid advice recently on how to prevent dudes from slipping and falling into other vaginas…and then realized I haven’t done the first one on the list lately. Shit! #1 reads as follows: tell your guy he’s wonderful – give specific reasons – how and why. If telling him is good…then putting it…
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Where were you last night?
Oh shit y’all. I went to my very first country music concert! SpecTACular people watching event. Did you know only girls wear cowboy boots now? I had no idea. Most of them were dressed like this: Some added their own flavor with sequins: Some added a calling card: And some were looking for a designated…
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Why guys slip and fall into other vaginas
This is a compilation of what I’ve heard from guys over the years. Yours free of charge. Here’s how to avoid having your guy slip and fall into another vagina. 1. Tell him he’s wonderful – give him specific examples of how and why. 2. Suck his dick in the car, and make sure to…
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Why girls slip and fall on other dicks
This is a compilation of top complaints I’ve heard from girls over the years. Yours free of charge. How to avoid having your girl slip and fall on another dick. If you’re not going to show up, call and say you’re not going to show up. If you’re going to be late, call and say…
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#TBThursday: why leg warmers will always reign supreme
Because this video… Have an awesome Thursday, y’all! Love, Molly
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I did not lose my virginity to a clown
This tidbit as well as some other important things about growing up on the circus can be found in my interview on the Kenny and Kylie Show. I was their guest yesterday on the weekly podcast hosted by Kenny from Culture Monk and Kylie from The Journey of Kylie. There’s also some chatting about on-line dating…
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Vacation Bucket List: Show Butt to Strangers
The conversation usually goes like this: “Hey babe – can you watch the kids for a bit? I need to go to the store for a few things.” Not like this: “Hey babe – can you watch the kids for a bit? My ass broke and I need to go to the doctor.” I prefer…
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Why You Should Have Sex Immediately.
I was floating around the pool sipping my boat drink thinking about sex, like I do, and my thoughts drifted to this specific question: why are women so powerful and outspoken in every area of their lives except their sexuality? This is on my mind for two reasons: 1. I read a fascinating article about…
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What to do when You’re a Creepy Mouth-Breather
Read Twindaddy’s answers to the Saturday 9 questions and then play the game. Btw, he’s not the creepy mouth-breather. I am. But just for today. The trees are mating and the pollen is so thick the last time I could breathe through my nose was Thursday. Obviously this means I can’t leave the house. Also…
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Stalking and Ransom Notes: the Key to Free Housing
Nothing will make me run to my keyboard faster than the chance to openly mock something stupid. In this case it’s millennial protesters stomping around San Francisco whining at tech employees and demanding $3 billion from Google. Specifically, they think the technology industry is turning everyone into slaves, and they want to shut it all down. But first they want Google to…
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What it Really takes to Get a Girl in Bed…
A full moon. On the wall. The rest of the galaxy on the ceiling. A salt rock light. Spa music to set the tone. Proper bedding. Namely pinky, bluey, and the Disney souvenir blanket. A dream catcher. More mood lighting. A shit-ton of giant-eyed stuffed animals, not to be confused with regular stuffed animals (plenty…
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Yes it can totally be too long.
But if you follow this awesome advice from smart researchy people it’s manageable. Win! Full disclosure: I didn’t read the whole article. Because it was too long. Oh, irony is beautiful. But not as beautiful as you. XO
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The Verdict on that Gang Murder
You already know what happened on the first day of the trial. Here’s what happened next. A detective testified they apprehended Defendants #1 and #2 in a car together. They found two .45 caliber handguns in the glove box. It was not the car used on the night of the murder. A ballistics specialist testified one of the…
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So About That Murder…
This is the follow-up to the jury duty freak show. We walked into the courtroom and there two black teenage boys seated at a table wearing clothes that didn’t fit them. They looked like kids we see all across America every day. I figured they were in trouble for something simple like possession or underage…
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Striving to Sitwell
If you’re not familiar with this amazing woman/genius/poet, don’t feel bad. I wasn’t either until I read her quote yesterday, “I have often wished I had time to cultivate modesty.” What in the world??? I’m southern. Modesty is our birthright. You can’t be a lady without being modest. [OH HORSESHIT. You’re only recoiling because you…
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How to Crash Your Ex’s Wedding Without Leaving the House
Meet Alana. Saturday was her divorce party. It was also the day her ex-husband got remarried, and the day we discovered there was a mole at his wedding. Pedicures and manicures are awesome… They’re even more awesome when the wedding reporter joins you at the nail salon for the blow-by-blow. Naturally the scene began with a panic-stricken…
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Your Ticket to Board the Party Train
Alana’s divorce party starts at 6pm today and you’re invited. We’re celebrating the fact that her jackass ex can no longer ruin Date night Grocery store runs Christmas Vacations or mornings It took a long time to get from To But we’re all so glad she’s finally there. Meaning here. Which is perfect timing because…
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